So you're recently engaged, and now you're ready to march out into the world with that shiny new ring on your finger! But before you walk out that door, here's a little list I compiled for every bride...what does the everyday bride need to know about being a bride? From the moment, I turned around to catch my man on his knee with a ring in hand...I couldn't have been happier. It was that blissful moment that every (almost) girl dreams about, but what came after the proposal...I wasn't exactly ready for.
(After the holiday season, I have had numerous emails from fellow brides asking for advice, questions, etc. To put some of the questions and advice to rest, hopefully in this attempt I will address all my lovely readers' questions.)
What the Bride Needs to Know
1. When's the...
From the moment I said yes, and put on the ring, the questions began! When's the big day? When's the wedding? When are you getting married? When's the Engagement party? When are you having kids? When are you going to start planning the wedding? When are you going to pick your wedding party? When are you taking your engagement photos? When are you going dress shopping? When are you going to look at venues? When are you ...When are you... the list goes on. This was the most annoying part of being a bride, because I didn't know the answers to all the questions. Plus it made me feel behind in planning, and what not. I just got engaged, don't rush me!
You're not behind in planning! Your fine, you just got engaged. It's ok if you don't want to plan a wedding immediately after he has proposed. I have a confession to make...it annoys me when I see a "friend" get engaged and she immediately sets a date, and has all her wedding plans down to a science in a week. WTH!! Give it a second, and enjoy your ring!
2. Familizillas Syndrome
The one thing that I've noticed about being engaged is that everyone loves a wedding. Everyone wants to have a part in the wedding, but no one wants to help pay for the cost of the wedding...lol Come on now people, don't demand to be a part of the wedding, and have a sense of entitlement to my money? Of course, the family is the worst when it comes to this problem! Everyone loves a wedding, because it's a good time...and it's free (for your guests, not you). I have been told that the "bride pays for the bridesmaids dresses", "the bride is suppose to take care of gifts for the wedding party", "the bride pays for the outfits for everyone in the wedding". Then they start making demands..."I don't like chicken at a wedding" "You better have alcohol there, and not be cheap like so and so's wedding" "I don't want to wait a long time for the bride to come out" "I can't drive at night; you should get me a hotel room, or drive me home! Is there going to be transportation?" SERIOUSLY?!
My fiancé and I come from a big family...and a divorce one at that. I won't speak for him, but I will def speak for myself. The wedding that's suppose to be about us, our love and celebration of "I do's" have now turned into..."You can't invite him/her" "Then I'm not going if you invite him/her" "Oh I can't sit anywhere next to him/her". Since when is it ok, to demand that the bride and groom shouldn't invite someone(s) important to them? Be prepared ladies!
LOL There's no real advice I can give you about this, but to breathe! I can tell you what I have done in the past, when I had to deal with this. I just threatened my family/his family that we're just going to elope if they don't adjust their demands and attitudes. LOL After all, the wedding is mainly about the bride and groom. The bride and groom are nice enough to include you and make you feel special, and in return you put a list of demands. No, no guys...Vegas here we come? lol Another tactic I've come up with, is putting the wedding on hold...lol I've actually done this a few times because I haven't found the time to plan my wedding, but I blame it on my family..."You see now I'm putting the wedding on hold again, because you guys are acting a fool" lol By the time Gil and I are ready to tie the knot, all those games will most likely be eliminated :D
3. Everyone's a Critic
You might as well, get comfortable with the fact that everyone you invite to your wedding will have something(s) negative to say about your wedding day! I learned this on my own by attending a few weddings. The people I sat with, just wouldn't let up on the criticism, it sickened me to even think of planning my own wedding. Before you say "my friends and family aren't like that" think again home-girl! It's going to happen. No one will be happy...Your colors are all wrong, your food was horrible, the entertainment was lame, the cake was dry, the bartender doesn't know what he's doing, etc. I've heard it all! All the while, you as the bride have spent a fortune and still it's not enough! If you don't believe me, watch Four Wedding on TLC on Fridays.
There is nothing you can do to make everyone completely happy. The only thing that matters in this situation is that you and your groom are happy. Just try and have a positive attitude.
4. Wedding Party
This topic seems to fill up my inbox the most! Picking the wedding party is definitely hard for the couple! You don't want to exclude someone, or hurt someone's feelings. It's very tricky. How do you pick your maid of honor? Gesssh, this is a hard one! Women are naturally catty and will not forget the time you picked someone else to be your MOH instead of them. The process, if you choose to go through it...pick the girl with the thickest skin, that has been there for you thick and thin! The MOH should be YOUR person, who most likely to help you drag a dead body (just an example...lol not real! not real!) and help you bury it. lol
I will not be picking an actual MOH, because I know the girls in my life...but I have a clear idea in my heart who is my actual MOH.
I also have been asked if you have to include your groom's sisters. Hummmmm...I'm not saying this to be mean, or negative, but your bridesmaids should be who you want to be by your side! These ladies have to have your back no matter what! It's a nice gesture to include your groom's sisters, but think down the lines of when you get cold feet. Will your sister in law be offended when your sweaty and freaking out before you walk down the aisle? Or will she be impressed with how many drinks you downed to calm the nerves. lol Just saying.
Here's what I've told some of my readers who have emailed me about this specific
question...bridesmaids, and groomsmen should be people who support your marriage!! These people love you, and love your groom no matter what! These people should never have said one bad thing about your relationship. I won't be including my future sister in laws in my wedding because my groom has 6 sisters...lol and I already have 4. So no, I will not have 10 bridesmaids...that's just crazy. Not to mention, if I add 1 or 2, then they all want to be a bridesmaid. So I find it easier and fair that no one is included.
Man of Honor...Yes, I'm one of those girls. I have 2 male best friends. One I've known for 13 years, the other...my brother. I only have 1 brother so he should be able to make the groomsmen cut or else heads will roll!!
Should you have a Man of Honor? YES! There's nothing wrong with it! I'm not a man's girl, I'm a girls, girl...but if you have a male that means a lot to you, don't be scared to add him in the mix. We live in a modern world, not the 1800's. It's your wedding, do as you please.
5. You are marrying the family
If you marry the man you're marrying the family! This statement is so true. I know I'm not married to my fiancé but there's one thing that can be said about dating a man for 10 years...it's like your already married (and to the family). Now I love my fiancés family with all my heart (Hugs) but it didn't happen overnight. Yeah I said it! Lol you were probably thinking it. Somewhere along the lines you have been painted as the woman who took their "brothers" "son" "nephew" "cousins", etc. away! Since he's met you, you've basically been the center of his attention. It's not something that we do on purpose but when you really love someone, your time together is precious and it seems like it goes by fast. So every waking hour is spent indulging in each other! If for some reason you're not getting along with the family, this is something to think about before saying I do. It's important for the family to get along with the bride/groom. Anything outside that box will become complicated and might cause friction in your relationship.
I've been asked this question all the time...Can I just get rid of the_______? (You fill in the blank...mom, sister, grandmother, whatever) - No ladies, you can't get rid of anyone in his family; these are his people who have been there for him before you ever came along. You wouldn't want to get rid of anyone in your family that you love to death whether their A** or not.
Here's what I advice...kill them with kindness! No matter what, I always kill them with kindness. I know the idea is hard but it's an essential part to a happy and healthy marriage! Never make him pick you over his family, it's just not cool. I know some in laws are just a mess to deal with but if you marry this man you are marrying his family too. That means you will love them as your own. If you're having trouble with his family...make it work or consider your future without that type of negativity and move on.
6. Groom: To help or not to help
So you're deep in wedding plans and your groom is playing candy crush on his phone. At this point you're feeling a world wind of emotions because of all the stress planning a wedding causes and you just want to throw homeboys phone across the room. He's not helping; his attention is on anything but the wedding. He could care less about pink up lighting, purple sashes, sparklers or bubbles. Your hormones are threw the roof, and you know he loves you because he proposed but he doesn't care about planning. Now you're accusing him of not wanting to get married, which leaves you crying because the stress is completely on you to make absolutely everyone at your wedding happy.
I know, just breathe! Be prepared for a groom that doesn't help you plan. It's not that he doesn't care but at this point you're analyzing every little detail down to what's on the dance floor lol. Give your groom a break; he wants to help you but just on the biggest decisions. Colors, bows on chairs, little bubble jars, etc. doesn't excite him like it excites us! I mean we're girls and we love fun little details. To be honest...I stopped planning a few times because I couldn't deal with the lack of support. It's a whole lot to deal with and it shouldn't be done alone. So grab you a bestie and keep it moving girl! Your bestie should fill in when your bum fiancé is too busy playing candy crush or talking to his boys on the phone. Lol honestly, I trust my bestie more when it comes to colors and what not anyways.
7. Blushing to Zilla
You know that overwhelming feeling of happiness after your fiancé has proposed and you're staring down at that beautiful ring on your finger? That's called being a blushing bride...lol
You know that feeling when you've asked your fiancé which cake flavor was his favorite and he says the yellow one...lol and there's a few different favors of cake that are yellow such as lemon, vanilla, butterscotch, pecan, coconut, etc. it's just not the articulated answer you expected your educated man to say. Lol it's infuriating to say the least. That's the moment you literally flip everything that's on the table because it's like talking to a five year old. That's called being a bridezilla.
I totally get...but expect it! You don't have to be a bridezilla to get your point across, as frustrating as it may be...breathe. Take a five minute break but expect things like this to happen. Remember that there's a life after the wedding and you want to keep your husband, friends and family.
8. it's not only your day
This is a given! You have been planning this day since you were sporting Looney tunes light'em shoes. You might've played wedding with your besties and talked about everything you wanted your wedding to be. Its 10/15/20 years later and you've finally seen firsthand what the love of your life looks like on bended knee with your ring in his hand. You've been to almost all your besties weddings and now it's finally your time to shine. I get it, and I can dig it! You want everyone's attention and you want what you've always planned for your wedding. Which means not listening to your groom's ideas or anyone else's ideas for that matter?
Stop right there before you get lost is "me" land, which isn't exactly the best place to be, given that by now everyone's annoyed with you. I get it, it's your turn, your day, everything you dreamed of is finally at reach. Stop and think for a second that it's your groom's day as well. He's paying for half of it the least you could do, is share the dream. I haven't met a groom that has his own wedding dreams in mind but I've met grooms that want a say in the wedding. Now think of those two lovely humans who raised you. How they might've dreamt of the day they watched their beautiful daughter come out of the dressing room in a blushing white gown. Your mother and father have their dreams of walking you down the aisle, and giving you away. Your groom's parents probably have the same idea. Try and share it with everyone who's important.
9. Bang for your Buck
You're planning your big day, and the wedding cost is eating at your wallet! Planning a wedding cost big bucks guys! To rent a venue for the ceremony and reception, the caterer, the bar, the seats, the tables, the linens, the centerpieces, the up lighting, the dj, the photographer, the officiant, the wedding gifts, the dress, the flowers, etc. etc.!!! It all adds up!
I'm a huge advocate for saving a buck! This one goes with "everyone's a critic" because no matter how much you spend, people will still have negative things to say. It's too much to ask for your friends and family to attend your celebration ( in which they know how hard you've planned, and spent) enjoy a free meal and have a good time without criticizing everything...lol Here's what I propose...keep it simple, and don't break the bank. You don't have to spend a lot of money to make your wedding beautiful. Research wholesale flowers, go to the dollar store, don't get all swiped up with ceiling swags and up lighting. All those things are great but they start adding up. Instead of an expensive venue that makes you use their caterers, rethink your venue and book a place that doesn't care where you get your food and drinks. Instead maybe try a cheap caterer that serves your cultures food. In the end it's just a one day celebration and it shouldn't cost you more than you can afford.
Luckily, you've come to the right site, because I have some money saving projects on my blog!!
1. How to make your own Wedding Planner
1. How to make your own Wedding Planner
2. Wedding Timeline/Checklist
3. Wedding Gift...How to make your bridesmaids a planner...for your wedding :D
4. How to make your own save the dates
5. How to make "Will you be my bridesmaid?" Cards
6. Wedding songs.
7. How to make a Wedding Monogram in Microsoft Word
How to Hand Stamp Silver: Wedding Gift for the Bridesmaids.
10. Trends vs. You
Everyone has ideas for your wedding, but no one knows what you want and like more than you! You've cruised Pinterest a thousand times, and seen what others have done with their wedding. You start following trends and getting lost in the idea of having every trend there is on Pinterest in your wedding. Now you're starting to forget one thing...your wedding theme. You've already picked it out...you've sent out save the dates that mirror your theme beautifully. Only problem...you've found so many more trends on Pinterest, and now your wedding is all over the place.
This lady right here...me...has done the same exact thing! Stay off Pinterest...lol I know Pinterest is a wonderful resource, but once you have your idea for your theme stick to it! Don't start changing major things in your wedding such as colors. You don't necessarily have to have a theme for your wedding, but I found it easier to create my colors, and decor based on a theme. You don't have to follow every wedding trend there is...and goodness there are so many trends out there right now! Your wedding should be a reflection of yourself...your personality, and your interests. Keeping it simple is probably the best thing, because if you follow trends...simplicity is a huge one right now!
As always, I love hearing from my readers! Don't be shy, drop me a line and let me hear from you. Are you going through similar stresses from planning your wedding? Until I hear from you, thanks for stopping by and I hope to hear from you. XX, Kisses!